pulling more aggressively now…
have 3 small bald spots already >< near around the back of my ears as they usually start.
I guess I gotta shave my head again this weekend. I’m pretty sure now that my only hope is regular hypnosis, but … I am in nowhere near of a financial position to afford that right now. so, looks like I’m stuck for a bit longer. I do think that it may be the answer, though.. when I can afford it, hopefully someday not too much longer from now…
I’m going to see a friend from high school tomorrow, I always feel a bit awkward around her, since she was one of the few people that knew. It’s actually prevented me from seeing her more, cuz I’m embarrassed my hair is still this way. She was my best friend for over 5 years too, so I feel bad that I dont see her anymore… and the only real reason is because of this…
I thought earlier in the week, how nice it’d be that I’ll have some hair now that I see her again for the first time in over a year.. but, now I’ve got these bald patches to be concious of… so that means I’ll have to face her directly at all times and be careful about turning my head, or bending over or something.
*sigh* =/
at least my eyebrows are starting to fill in a TEENY bit. I’m seeing the guy I like in about 2 weeks (he’s been away) so I hope they’re at least half filled in by then….so they dont get rubbed off completely if we are intimate…. I hate having to be constantly worrying that I have no eyebrows anymore while in such a close setting with someone…
but yeah.. the hair….
it feels too good to stop, and even if I do stop, it only lasts for a few minutes before I give in again… and of course biting the follicles only reinforces the cycle…
the hair on my arms is almost all grown in now, and it’s bothering me. I really have to Nair it off in the next day or two, it’s longer than it has been in awhile. ew. That stuff I end up pulling cuz it LOOKS gross, not cuz it feels good to pull from there - because it doesn’t. arm hair is purely for cosmetic reasons…. I’m sure most chicks wouldn’t let it bother them even thought it *is* a little dark, cuz most chicks aren’t totally fucking obsessed with …hair…
somehow, last year I made it long enough to get extensions put in. I remember pulling quite a bit, and there were several large bald spots by the time it was the minimum 3 inches it needed to be …
woah, actually I remember it being so bad that I THOUGHT it was going to be too late… too much damage.. and I cried a lot over it…thinking I’d ruined it..
but even though 75% of my hair was gone (quite possibly the most I’ve ever pulled, actually)… the extensions still worked. I was able to (most of the time) wrap the big puffy wool extension locks around in such a manner that it would hide the bald spots if I did it just right…
too bad they only last a few months. =/ and also, quite a bit of my little remaining hair was torn out even further when they were put in, due to the tightness necessary for them to attach and stay in…. so… even more damage…
anyhow.
I guess I’ll hang out with my friend tomorrow… and shave it off when I get home. It’s only an inch long..only 3 weeks of growth. It was Oct 22nd when I bic’ed it, and it’s Nov 13th now…
looks like I’m bald for awhile yet, still…
oh well. must keep the rest of my life moving forward.
Tags: pulling lashes, cosmetic, obsession, restlessness, follicle biting, pulling at desk, awkwardness, pulling in class, body hair, grooming, relapse, trichotillomania, hair extensions, ttm, trich, hypnotherapy, pulling, crown, bald spots, pulling from scalp, eyebrows by Isis
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