looked in the mirror… eyebrows are completely gone. =(
looks like I’ll get to draw them in for several weeks… again….
I really suck at drawing my eyebrows…. they’re always non-symmetrical…..
and now I gotta worry about them coming off, in the rain… or if I smudge them with my hand during the day…… or in the morning, if I spend the night with the guy I’ve been seeing…………
oh well =(
Finals week has me pretty stressed. I pulled the outer edges of my eyebrows last night. (I always pull from the outside first) and now, for the last hour, in between my typing strokes, I’ve been slowly but surely tearing the rest of them out. I haven’t gotten up to to look in the mirror yet. But they’re at least 75% gone. It might be best to shave the rest off at this point =/
I can’t remember the last time I had full eyebrows.
My hair is doing alright, since I’ve been keeping it too short to pull. But I’m already getting really tired of having a shaved head. I feel very… butch. I suppose I’m going to keep it this way for awhile still. It’d be nice to get through the whole summer without having to hide my head or feel deathly afraid someone’s going to see my bald spots. No one has any idea about my crippling mental illness, for the time being, and that’s nice.
but I don’t really feel all that attractive sometimes. although I do look good with a shaved head, I obviously don’t feel very feminine… and although this only bothers me sometimes, it’s enough to make me wish I could grow it a little.
*sigh* I dunno what I’m going to do about that…..I guess we’ll see how the rest of the summer goes…
man my eyebrows hurt =/
It’s been awhile. No news is good news, right? Well… sort of.
My hair is finally 95% grown back on my head. There are still a few small spots that are noticeable – but they’re so small that they look like the small scars or bare spots that many normal people have on their heads.
I’ve decided to keep my head shaved for the summer. It looks good, requires pretty minimal effort to maintain (20 minutes once per week isn’t so bad, and now that I’ve cut off the pieces of hair in the front, back, and sideburns, its even less effort to maintain) … and with no bald spots at all, my self confidence has risen quite a bit. For the time being, anyone who meets me, or any of the new friends I have acquired recently, think I am just a girl with a shaved head. Since I am not afraid to proudly walk with my head uncovered (now that those spots have finally filled in), no one knows the truth… and I am fairly certain that if I did attempt to grow my hair back, the same cycle would repeat itself… and then I’d have to deal with bald spots again. After so many months of the year having to hide, it feels really good not having to hide. Not to have that terrible, dark reality lurking just underneath something as simple as a piece of thin cloth that could be pulled off at any time, or a wig that I have NO choice BUT to wear. I’ve felt so relieved lately, to finally feel at least somewhat normal. So… although I still would ultimately like to have long hair again, I am keeping it short for awhile longer so that I can enjoy this wonderful little vacation from that shame, fear, and sadness. Maybe I can get a better grip on the trich monster, the longer I can’t pull the hair from there.
My eyebrows haven’t grown back yet, as I semi-ravaged them again on two occasions over this last month. Both were in bed, again. One was first thing in the morning, and one was at night just before bed. I’m tempted to shave those off again too, but I think that with a shaved head, it’s a lot more important to have real eyebrows. A bald head and no eyebrows just looks too strange; sickly.
I am still dealing with some frustration, fear, and stress, and that is when my drawn-on eyebrows start to smudge. Or, in the morning, when I pray that the makeup is still on, and I wake up next to the new guy I’ve been seeing. I don’t think he’s taken too much notice yet, I made sure to voice the fact that I sometimes shave them and that right now they’re in a frustrating “growing in” stage, which is true. But, it still is embarrassing and it still doesn’t make me look very good, so I really hope that I can let them fill in properly.
I’ve been biting my nails a lot suddenly, again. I seem to go through lapses. Almost all of them have been bitten down, and I can’t scratch my itches very well anymore. Maybe it’s because of the lack of hair-pulling. I do still pull from my pubic area from time to time when I go without shaving for a few days. I don’t mind pulling from there at all, since it lasts longer than shaving it, but I wonder if it’s just as bad to keep pulling there because I am reinforcing the habit of pulling, even though it’s in a different spot.
Perhaps in just a few more weeks, I’ll have two fully grown eyebrows, and 10 long nails again. I hope so.
I pulled both of my eyebrows completely off last night, while I was in bed reading. Again… they had only have grown back from the previous episode. This seems to be the usual cycle with me. I only make it a certain amount of time before doing it all over again.
The area is very sore and tender… it hurt while I was doing it, but I couldn’t stop.
so… it’s back to looking like a cancer patient again.
this has definetely gotten me nervous in regards to the rest of my hair, which I have not begun to grow yet (I’m still waiting for those other spots on the front of my crown to catch up, as they are pretty noticeable, still). How am I going to leave my hair alone if I can’t leave my eyebrows alone? =(
I really hope that I can do this…. I’m going to try hard…. I am so tired of not having hair, and feeling self-concious about being bald and a girl…. I’m tired of getting made fun of for not having hair. I hope that I can do it………
and now I just hope that I can leave my eyebrows alone for the next 2 months while they fill in again. and continue to leave them alone after that. but… we’ll see…..
well, the eyebrows had STARTED to grow back…. they were about halfway there… but I just pulled them while laying here in bed, restless. I guess bed is the worst place for me…. always has been, really. That’s where the whole behaviour even began, all those years ago…..
have only pulled a few strands from the crown, but my hair isn’t very long yet. since the rest of the bald patches are still catching up on the top, I will be keeping it short until those fill in. Almost time to buzz it again soon. I do that about every 2 weeks or less. What a pain. It has to be done though…. it looks pretty bad if I don’t.
my female co workers were bothering me about it again. one of them in particular keeps telling me I should grow my hair, I’d look so good with long hair, blah blah. I really want to tell her to shut the fuck up already. It really bothers me and I’ve already dismissed her several times now. This time she brought it up in front of another of the girls I work with and that made it even fuckin worse. I wish people would just leave me alone. Why is my fuckin hair so important to them?