more on welbutrin…
My ears have been ringing off and on since Thursday. They seem to be much more sensitive now. Another reported side effect…. weird..
My ears have been ringing off and on since Thursday. They seem to be much more sensitive now. Another reported side effect…. weird..
it feels at the moment almost like I’m even more anxious than before. Small things are setting me off and making my heart pound. Getting irritated this morning over something was suddenly feeling very extreme.
something frightening happened on my way to work in the afternoon. A friend was driving me, and we were in a rush since I was on the late side. He was going maybe 40 miles an hour? The road is sort of a freeway - but there was a light, turning yellow ahead of us. I felt like we were SPEEDING towards this light that was going to be red by the time we went through it. I thought, “we’re never going to make it!!” and suddenly the stress and anxiety of this felt SO horrible and uncomfortable that I felt this weird, strong jolt/shudder through my entire body and I felt my hands clamp down the arms of the seat as if I were going to fly out of it. It was *almost* similar to the feeling one gets on a roller coaster the minute it starts to drop down. It was NOT cool at all. VERY unpleasant… and scared the living shit out of me. I felt for a moment like I’d die!
Can’t imagine that was very good for my mind.. or body.. =/
Then I remembered that I’ve gotten these jolts before.. .and I think it was during another time I was on an SSRI, although I’m not 100% sure on that. But it was always when in a car and stressed out. (I have fairly moderate anxiety when driving or being a passenger in the city, due to a number of accidents I’ve been in)
I hope this isn’t gonna continue =/ I know it’s still very early and the first couple of weeks are unpleasant. I really hope the good will eventually outweigh the bad.
man. So I’ve had a better week with the hair pulling… however, while writing an email just now, and laying in bed (another trigger.. .I probably should have been more cautious about this even just due to those 2 factors…) I was stressing out over the situation… and barely even noticing that I was steadily pulling at my right eyebrow this entire time. Now… 20 minutes later… the email is written, and sent. And I am missing almost my entire eyebrow. =(On a regular basis I often think to myself, “It’s ok. At least I’ve had my eyebrows for a long time.” Eyebrows used to be a big problem for me…I hardly ever had full brows a year or two ago. I was constantly worrying about the drawn in eyebrows coming off in situations. Especially around my boyfriend. Now I’m going to see my boyfriend tomorrow for the first time in awhile. Spend the night… and be all worried about my one eyebrow smudging off, the whole time…into the night, and the morning. Now I have to carry around an eye pencil again and worry about putting on makeup for the next month until it grows back. =( The next MONTH! And I’m going on a vacation in 2 weeks with a friend… where we’ll be swimming… thank god this is a trusted friend who knows about my problem… so I don’t have to be as worried… but still… it looks awful……….. I look diseased again =(This just shows how dangerous and aggressive pulling can be when it’s a secondary action… my main action was writing the email, but there was stress involved, on top of a trigger situation… and I wasn’t able to work hard at resisting…. and it just happened so fast… now the aftermath is going to last for a long time. =( Blahhh. After I had such a decent week with the other hairpulling…This is the first time in I can’t even remember how long since I’ve had missing eyebrows…. dammit… I hope I can hold onto the other one and that isn’t the next target…..
nothing much new, although today and yesterday I was pulling more than I have been lately. maybe that’s because I got drunk the night before.. I dunno. I wish I could keep listening to my hypnotism tapes, but I’m so afraid of them getting destroyed/eaten by the players. I need to just…. get that stuff onto my computer so I don’t ever have to worry about it. hmm…. back when I lived with my parents, wayyy back in the day, I borrowed a tape deck from my dad and hooked it up, somehow. That’s how I used to record my vocals for my music back then. if I could just remember how I did that, now…. lol. *scratches head*….
so anyway, as I thought…. I’m definetely not doing as well now without the extensions in place to cover up the hair so I can’t get at it. =/ I STILL have not found anyone in Boston to take care of it for me, yet, although a co-worker of mine says she may know someone who’s dad owns a salon. At this point I’m willing to settle for something very basic, just in the interest of preserving the few spots that do have long hair right now. I’d say maybe around 30-35% is grown in at the moment…
the fuckin assistant from Dr. Doherty’s office called me today and left a message, guess she’s trying to check up on me? Gee, thanks, almost 2 weeks later. I was calling them repeatedly because I was very concerned about how awful I felt after I went off the cymbalta/duloxetine …. I was basically begging them to set me up with a blood test or something, just to make sure I was ok, because I was so sick for about 4 weeks I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. They gave me a run-around about it and basically didn’t do anything to try and set that up even after I started getting angry and coming close to threatening legal action. Thankfully at this point, thank GOD, I seem to be getting better. I was seriously worried about it… and they didn’t seem to care all that much. The doctor didn’t even call me back himself!! I’ll never be doing a med trial at MGH again. They don’t even care about their patients when its just an experiment, it seems. nice indeed.
anyways, that’s about it for now I guess. I’ve been thinking of adding some more content to this blog, like maybe a review list of products that I’ve used that seemed to help, or didn’t help… etc. I will also be expanding the links section when I have the time, to share some of the websites I have found useful.
Goodnight.
(this entry was taken from a previous journal, before I made this one:)
10pm -just when things were starting to look better… =/
that horrible pain in my stomach is back.* it’s been crippling me for several hours and I can only pray it doesn’t stay long…
my left eyebrow is entirely gone from just the last few hours, and I have 2 new spots on my head. FUCK man.
I guess this shit has to happen because my life is about to get better…. was all excited and shit for all the things that are going down… new job loc… maybe moving back home with my boy…
god this fuckin hurts =/
*sigh*
10:30pm: and now the right one is gone…
was kinda wondering when the next time would be when I’d have nothing there again for awhile….=(
* - this had previously been a bothersome condition of my stomach a few times in the distant past - but I later found out it was a result (they like to call it a “side effect”) of taking the duloxetine / cymbalta!!!