update
well, it’s been a month now since I started cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).I am sad to say that I don’t see much of a difference yet. My awareness has been increased a bit, but it has gotten no easier to stop the behavior, despite coming up with a list of incompatible behaviors (putting a hat or gloves on, clasping hands, moving around, etc) … the urge is just too strong for any of that to work.
so, I am taking the plunge and trying medication to go along with the CBT, which is the most successful way of going about this…….I am not sure which medication will be tried first, but I am sure there will be a period of unpleasant trial and error, and I’m sure I’m not going to like the side effects of whatever SSRI I am taking… but… at this point, I am willing to sacrifice other things (like my sexual functionality, which is what the Cymbalta / Duloxetine messed with when I tried it, and the main reason I stopped taking it) to try and conquer this… if there’s any time to really try medication again, it’s right now.. I seem to have no other choice. It’s becoming incredibly difficult and frustrating to hide my scalp, which is at least 50% bare, especially from my significant other. It actually distresses me quite a lot when he wants to spend the night with me now, because it’s extremely uncomfortable to sleep with clip-on extensions (they pull at the hair I do have, making my scalp very sore in the morning) aside from the fact that the hair is all gross and poor quality now because of sleeping on it so often. I like seeing him but I find myself wishing he didn’t call me so much, just because of the hair thing… *sigh* I should be happy to spend time with him =(
I had a massive session just now while writing a final paper for school. It was just awful… I couldn’t stop. I even pulled my pubic hair (after I tried putting on a hat, the trich monster just moved along somewhere else) for over 20 minutes which is something I haven’t done in a REALLY long time. :(
I did dye my roots last night in hopes I won’t get stuck in the mirror pulling all my numerous amounts of grays anymore….
I really hope I can get better. :(
I will update as things progress..