Entries Tagged as 'sore'

hello

wow, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve updated.  I guess I’ve been so busy with school and other stuff that it hasn’t been on my mind too much.   Although I’ve tried a few new things since the last time I wrote (started seeing the homeopath about 6 weeks ago, got ridiculously expensive fusion hair extensions from one of the supposedly best salons from around here, they ended up being AWFUL!!),  I am still largely in the same place as before.  I’ve got 3 huge bald patches in the usual places… crown and either side, near temples.I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety, so I’m not surprised I’m not doing too well at the moment.  I’m also depressed because of the hair stuff and some other things in general.  Thanks to my acrylic nails though, I still have my brows and lashes, at least.  I am currently on the waitlist for the MGH Trich clinic, and it could be several months before I get in there.  I hope it’s sooner.  :/   I will go into more detail about some of the stuff I’ve tried, next time  I write, which will hopefully not be too much longer from now.   But I thought I’d put a brief entry in here for the time being.   so.. until then..

dammit!! =(

I had a couple of PF days since I was pretty much around my bf for those couple days, and wasn’t all that bored,  but today… I have pulled ALL.  DAY.  =((   like… 12 hours  =(   even in the car, while driving!!   I’m going to get in an accident if I don’t get that under control  =(    all started from looking at those STUPID white hairs that I have so many of now…  I really am going to have to try and understand that I have to stop letting them bother me, cuz they’re not going to go away!!  I just have to continously dye them so this doesn’t keep on happening… just a few white hairs doomed my entire day  =(

this SUCKS, I don’t know what to do right now, and now I’ve got 2 really big spots right on the front of my crown near my forehead, literally impossible to hide, gonna have to keep putting black dye on,  some of those pulls actually legitimately hurt really badly, too, (since it’s the fine hair in the front),  but that still didn’t stop me.  my scalp really hurts now.   I think I’m going to try taking an ativan (I have some for anxiety/sleep issues)  and see if that helps  =(

I am so upset now,  I thought I was doing good…

time to start slathering on the ointments and getting the LED lamp out again like some kinda cancer patient,  I feel disgusting…

someday this won’t control me,  hold me tightly in it’s grip for hours…

but that day isn’t now  =/

this week…

well the first few days went fine.  But on Tuesday I had a really awful time.  I pulled for 2 hours =/  even when I was in the car with my SO …  usually I can refrain from doing it around other people.   Maybe it was because I’d been restraining myself for the days before …

actually though, I even pulled a little bit while I was driving, a few days before that… Fri I think..   I was extremely stressed out and driving in unfamiliar territory ….  but I can’t believe I was actually doing it while I was driving… how dangerous…. luckily that didn’t last for too long..

some of the more severe pulling was definetely brought on by my inability to resist pulling at my white ones, when I’d look in the mirror before bed.  There are a lot of them now…  so I got some black hair dye to cover them up so that I can hopefully stop noticing them so much.

my scalp is sore again, on the right side near my ear, which is one of my usual spots.

still though, I think once the extensions are in, they’ll barely be noticeable.  I am getting them done tomorrow.  Flying out to Chicago tonight.

thank the lord there are hair professionals out there..

acrylic nails, black hair dye…

in early February I was ecstatic.  I decided to try acrylic nails in hopes they would be a deterrant of the pulling.  And they worked wonderfully at first.  I wasn’t able to pull out a single hair for over 3 weeks!   I’ve had the acrylic nails for over a month now, and my eyebrows are fully grown back!  I haven’t been able to touch them at all.  so, I finally have my eyebrows back.  =)   It is SO nice not to have to worry about drawing them in everyday, or if I’ve done it evenly, or if they’re starting to smudge off…   no more!!

my hair, however, sadly went back to it’s normal state after it became too long for the fake nails to be of use.  While my hair was very short, I wasn’t able to get a good grip on the strands, but now that it’s over 3 inches long, I can get enough of a grasp on the strands to pull them out again.   Yes, it is still harder to do so, but it’s possible again.  So, sadly this wasn’t a cure-all for my hair…   but I would DEFINETELY recommend trying it.  Both to men and women.  Especially men, because I’m not sure what else a man could try, and I know how much harder it is to conceal spots when you have very short hair.   The way I did this was to get my thumb and forefinger set up with much longer nails (twice as long as usual) so that I couldn’t grip them together.  (A little out of the ordinary, and took getting used to, but SO very worth it.)

While I was getting them done, the lady asked if I played guitar.  I do happen to play guitar, so I said yes, but apparently she’s seen lots of MEN get acrylic nails only on their thumb and fore fingers for the purpose of guitar playing!  So, men… if you want to try this but feel awkward about it, simply say that you’re a guitar player!   I really think that this could help you a lot.  It worked incredbly well for me when my hair was very short.  I was so happy.  Not to mention, I have a nice full set of nails all the time now, instead of having NO nails from biting them.  And my real nails are growing long underneath them, so whenever I decide to stop doing the acrylics, I’ll have a nice long set of my own nails again!

In the meantime, the spot I posted before has about tripled in size (well, it was all the way back in January that I posted the pics, so it could be a lot worse and usually would be by now, if not for the acrylic nails…)  I have another large spot on the right side of my head… in it’s usual spot.   I’ve been using black permanant hair dye on my scalp to cover up the glaring white skin.  This has been working well 95% of the time (the only one who noticed was my significant other , but it’s really rather impossible to hide this stuff from him all the time…) and most people don’t even notice the bald spots or look at me long enough to realize there’s a big spot of black all over my scalp.  and I mean… it’s really large now.  I’ll post an updated photo soon.

A few days actually I pulled so long and so hard that my scalp was extremely sore for days  =(   I’ve been sitting in front of my l.e.d light hoping it will help to fix some of the awful damage I caused.

Later this month I am going back to chicago to see Rae from Hair Alchemy.  I’m so excited!!  we’re going to try a different type of hair extension this time, just regular synthetic hair as opposed to the wool strands I got before to keep my head warm (which worked very nicely, and were really cute too!)   I’m going to get mostly black, with some pink mixed in.  She also said it shouldn’t be too much of a problem to concel the large spots I have now, even though the big one is partially right in the middle of my crown.  She’ll be able to thread the hair a certain way to cover it!  I can’t wait!   That’s going to happen in just 9 more days  =)

I really hope I can try to control myself a bit before then, because I’ve really been loosing control again since I’ve been able to pull the hair strands again.  I didn’t have this spot on the right side a week ago and it’s very big now =/

anyways, that’s it for now, but I leave you men and women with the following recommendations:

- try acrylic nails!!! they take some getting used to, but  they WILL help as a deterrant!!
- use permanant black (or brown) dye on your scalp if you have dark hair, to conceal your bald spots.  you will need to reapply it frequently but it really does a great job concealing your spots, you will feel so much better!!

xoxo,
Isis

again …

lots of damage done today ….

would rather just shave it again like I said I was going to keep it cuz I knew I wasn’t strong enough to let it go…

but it’s winter now and shaved heads are freezing…

and pressure to grow it from the significant other …. had me caving….

=(

maybe I can glue some extensions into it somehow, even though its extremely short (barely an inch) … otherwise… no way to hide the many bald patches already present… small for now but undoubtedly will be much bigger, very soon…

been in bed, sick, most of the day, and restless/bored…  definetely a high contributing factor…

bleghhh.

head is sore… finger tips are sore… but yet, I keep on going of course…