Sanitywarp.org:: Diary of a Trichster

well, I made it to 5 days PF…

just now though, I pulled 2 while looking in the mirror, but it’s cuz they were white and highly visible… so I am kinda only half-counting those…

but then that made me pull once more… and there were 4 in that pull  =[          a couple of follicles.  my scalp is like.. itching or something now, and my hand keeps going back up, the urge is fuckin.. overwhelmingly strong.   gah!!  I hope writing this will help me stop.  I’m going to bed soon as well.  hopefully I’m tired enough to just pass right out (I think so)  and not be up pulling for 2 more hours ors omething…

edit/addition…:

still have my eyebrows though…..   I am so thankful for those, with every day that passes…..   I never have to worry about them getting wiped off my face due to rain, or taking a shower, or smudging with my hand, or being with my partner… ever again, I think!   omg!

Tags: cosmetic, pulling at mirror, 5th day pull free, white hair, relapse, trichotillomania, pulling from scalp, eyebrows by Isis
No Comments »

well the first few days went fine.  But on Tuesday I had a really awful time.  I pulled for 2 hours =/  even when I was in the car with my SO …  usually I can refrain from doing it around other people.   Maybe it was because I’d been restraining myself for the days before …

actually though, I even pulled a little bit while I was driving, a few days before that… Fri I think..   I was extremely stressed out and driving in unfamiliar territory ….  but I can’t believe I was actually doing it while I was driving… how dangerous…. luckily that didn’t last for too long..

some of the more severe pulling was definetely brought on by my inability to resist pulling at my white ones, when I’d look in the mirror before bed.  There are a lot of them now…  so I got some black hair dye to cover them up so that I can hopefully stop noticing them so much.

my scalp is sore again, on the right side near my ear, which is one of my usual spots.

still though, I think once the extensions are in, they’ll barely be noticeable.  I am getting them done tomorrow.  Flying out to Chicago tonight.

thank the lord there are hair professionals out there..

Tags: sore, white hair, relapse, hair extensions by Isis
No Comments »

well it’s been 2 days since my last entry.  Things are going ok.  Not completely pull-free… but no more than like 30 I’d say since I last wrote, which isn’t too bad.  I really have to stop looking in the mirror so long before bed.  The white hairs I’ve accumulated (largely from pulling in the same places for sooo long…) are really bothersome and just BEG to be yanked out.  I’m going to have to dye my hair I think to keep that from being an annoyance, cuz there really are quite a few patches of them now.

well, that’s about it for now.

Tags: pulling at mirror, white hair by Isis
1 Comment »

Looking in the mirror and seeing the gray hair is awful, since I can’t NOT pull it out.  Even people that don’t suffer with trich are likely to remove the gray hairs, it just happens to be worse for people like me.  I noticed recently that more and more and MORE gray hairs have been appearing.   Rapidly.  This leads to more and more pulling, until every one is gone.

However, I recently read that the gray hairs are likely being caused, not by aging and growing old, but by the act of repeated pulling.  What happens is the color sac gets damaged, and thus the shaft will turn white.  The color sac DOES eventually heal itself, and the hair’s color will return to it’s normal state… but this apparently takes several months to happen, and if you keep pulling the hair out… well, it will never fix itself.

This info was obtained through one of <a href=”http://trich.org” target=”_blank”> TLC’s </a> seminars, which someone reported on in their own blog.  (Can’t remember who, I read this a little while ago)

so…  as hard as it is NOT to keep pulling the white hair… DON’T!!  I’ve decided to keep my roots dyed lessen the amount of pulling I do.  out of sight, out of mind… indeed.    I really hope that all of the hair I’ve turned white just recently.. .will start to mend itself… cuz there really is a good deal of it there now.  argh.

Tags: white hair, trauma caused by pulling, pulling from scalp, trichotillomania, ttm, trich by Isis
No Comments »