This was my FIRST entry on sanitywarp.org:
I have decided to better document my ongoing struggle with trichotillomania… and I decided to do it somewhat
publically so that others out there with this problem will know that they are not alone. When I first developed this
devastating disorder, I did not know why I started doing this to myself, and it wasn’t until years later (after
reading information and going to a seminar with my Mom) that I found out that approximately 2% of the entire population has trichotillomania. This number is small in comparison to the other 98% of the population, but HUGE in terms of understanding that there are LOTS of other people out there who have it! Still though, in my entire lifetime, I have only come across 1 other person that I personally knew to have this disorder; a friend’s husband who pulls at his
beard and head. I am sure at some point I must have crossed paths with more, but since it is often easy to hide
(especially with longer hair that can be tied up to cover missing patches of hair), sadly I have never truly connected
with anyone else about TTM yet.
I am now 25 and I have been struggling with this for almomt half of my lifetime. I’ve tried so many different things,
and I have most recently decided to try persciption medication as somewhat of a last resort. I am also going to
try finding a good hypnotherapist as another desperate attempt to help me stop doing this, but I have begun to
think lately that perhaps nothing will ever truly help in the end… at this point, I’ve had it for so long, how COULD
something like a perscription drug, or a hypnotist correct behavior that is over a decade old??
My head is sore from all of the pulling today. I’ve been going pretty nonstop since about 11am this morning, when I
got to work. I must have pulled out hundreds of strands by now, 7:30pm, and I am still doing it now. The whole top of
my head is bare or filling in with wispy hairs from previous episodes, and I’m starting to feel like I just won’t stop
until there is nothing left to pull =( I am getting very depressed about this yet I can’t stop doing it. I do not
think that the dulexodine has helped at all yet, although it has helped some of my (mild) OCD symptoms, which has been
nice. It has been almost 2 months on 60mg dosage (was taking 120 for awhile but I think the switch happened too
fast, as my body did not react well to it at all, resulting in me going back down to 60mg).
I really should get up and do some of the cleaning I meant to start on 3 hours ago. yet again has my time been stolen
away from me while I sit in a trance…
I was contemplating cutting the tips of my forefinger and thumb with a razorblade today…. so that I would not be
able to pull… I am starting to think it might be worth a shot…
le sigh.. =(
Tags: depression, ocd, alternative healing, hypnotherapy, seminar, trich, ttm, trichotillomania, medication by Isis
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