Sanitywarp.org:: Diary of a Trichster

oh my gosh.. I’m so happy about what happened today! I was standing behind the counter at work when I noticed this man,
probably late 40’s standing around looking for something. He asked me for some help finding something, and as we were
walking, my eyes were drawn to the back of his head. I noticed all along the nape of his neck, the hair was
noticeably missing, and had some red irritation marks that looked similar to what my scalp looks like when I have
recently pulled. I looked a little closer and noticed a fresh looking bald spot poking out just underneath the
bottom/back of his cap. I then realized that he was probably wearing the cap to cover his head, just the way I was
wearing my bandana at that very moment! The area of skin looked the way it would from pulling.. and not just regular hair loss. now, I always take particular notice of things like these, I guess cuz I’m always trying to find other people that might have
it (usually to no avail). well… after I helped him, I walked away, and paced around for a few minutes, wanting to say something to him but I needed to work up the guts and I also didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. he was standing around sort of aimlessly in the store though, not busy with anything in particular… so I went up to him and said… “hey… I’m
sorry if this is a weird question… but, umm… I noticed the back of your hair…do you have trich?”

He got a little flustered I think… and didn’t really know what I meant (I’m used to people not knowing that trich has
a name, even if they have it) so I elborated carefully, and told him that I’d had it for a long time and sometimes look for it, and try to chat/make friends with other people who do it, since it appears to be so uncommon. at first he played it off like
he had no idea what I was talking about but after another minute or two he opened up to me a little bit, and said that
he used to do it but didn’t anymore. I knew this was a fib, but I was just happy enough that he was talking to me
about it at all. He started asking, “oh, is that why you’re wearing the thing on your head?” and then he got really curious and wanted to see it. hehe. I just kept talking to him for a few minutes about the whole thing and mentioned that hypnotism worked well for me, and he said that he used to do yoga and that it seemed to help bring down the general urge to pull. Towards the end of the brief conversation though, (some customers came to the counter quickly enough, =( and I had to leave…) I did pull
over my bandana a little bit to show him some of the top, saying, ’see?’ He looked and said, “oh…. you’ve got it bad, huh?”, looking surprised. I laughed and said, “yeah, I do!”

so… that was the end of the little chat, I had to get back to work… but we introduced ourselves to each other and
shook hands. He works in the area I guess, so I’ll probably be seeing him again sometime! man, it was just a nice
feeling. I think it probably made him happy to meet me too… I really am a very nice young lady, as long as you
don’t piss me off…

so its been a little while now since the hypnosis, I’ve had a few average days since then where I would pull sorta
moderately (I’d say under 100 though!!) throughout the day… but overall, I am feeling so amazing about this and
the fact that it has seemed to help me in a way that nothing else has. I’ve already recommended Arthur to a friend of
mine with anxiety disorder… and he too feels like he’s finally starting to change..

ahh yay, life is good sometimes! I must get some rest now
though. cya laterz!

Tags: yoga, trichster, alternative healing, hypnotherapy by Isis
No Comments »

Last night was the second hypnotherapy session for my trich. I was a little discouraged for the last few days since the
pulling urges came back pretty much full-force. The first several days after the last treatment worked wonderfully,
and I was able to resist almost all of my urges. It went great for about half a week, but then suddenly I just lost it =/
Yesterday I talked with Dr. Schwartz for most of the session and he reminded me that although I get a great deal of
pleasure when pulling, that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, since it is damaging to me. He then pointed out that
pleasure can be derived from many activities that are harmful- some people get off on raping and hurting others,
for example. One of the universe’s laws is “do no harm” and that by harming myself, I am doing wrong. I asked him to
suggest during the hypnosis that the pulling be more painful, since one of the problems that keeps me from
continuing to pull is that, in most spots, not only does it not feel painful to pull, but it actually feels good. So,
that’s what he did. He described the act itself in graphic detail as tearing, ripping, pulling the skin, etc.. it made
me grimace as he described it. Later, I walked back to my clearing, with the purple chair, and there was a little
kitten running around that was following me as if it had something to learn from me, because I am “the great teacher”
now. He also told me to imagine the bumblebee from before, transforming into a beautiful butterfly to represent
the change that I am going through.

I felt good afterwards, but I think I was in a deeper state the first time around. I’m not sure why that is, but
nonetheless, I have the tape that was recorded during the session, along with the tape from the first session, and he
suggested that I listen to them frequently, and I think I will do just that.

I’m very interested to see if the pain has increased but I haven’t pulled yet so I’m not sure. Hopefully I’ll be able
to make it for longer, this time. *crosses fingers*

I kinda gave up on the diet tracking.. I eat somewhat healthily most of the time, so I really don’t think that I
have excess sugar, caffeine, MSG, etc, to blame for increased pulling.

Welp, guess that’s it for now- wish me luck! Adios!

Tags: hypnosis, alternative healing, no harm, diet, hypnotherapy, ttm, trichotillomania, trich by Isis
No Comments »

as I mentioned in the last entry, I decided to try and give hypnotic therapy a shot. well, the visit was very
interesting. I was indeed successfully hypnotised, although it took awhile to get to that point. I did not seem to
recall many memories as to what may have started the behavior. But, with the help of the hypnotist, he was able
to ask me questions and get in touch with the part of my psyche that does this. It was very interesting indeed, to
be able to “talk” to this entity. It is different for everyone, but in my case, it took the form of a hyperactive
bumblebee with devil horns and a tail. heh. He instructed me to talk with the bumblebee, who said she had a lot of
energy and liked to cause problems. It also said it was 12 years old. I really am not sure what happened 12 years ago,
and after thinking about it for awhile yesterday, realized I was fresh into Junior High at that point… maybe I was
struggling with the adaption to the new environment..? He used the terms elven, and mischevious when describing the
entity and that struck me as being very accurate. He tried to speak rationally with the entity and told it that it was
causing me harm… destroying my natural beauty, and that I am now a young woman whos life is being disrupted. He told
me to ask for it’s permission in stopping the behaviour… and after some resistance from the bumblebee… and more
pushing from the hypnotist, it agreed. I hugged the bumblebee, and returned to my plush, purple chair in my
field… and then walked up the white staircase, and back into full conciousness. Boy was I tired after that! I
stretched hugely in the chair after coming to.

I did feel a little more optimistic afterwards, and tried to look at things a little differently… rather than yelling
at myself when I pull and being angry about it, it’s like I’m talking to a small child and telling it to stop it’s
harmful behavior. Although the urges have remained completely intact, yesterday was a fairly pull-free day
(under 20 hairs), although this evening has been considerably more, but I am so tired after partying too hard
last night (and I lost one of my absolute favorite hair falls… I have never been as sad to loose a material
posession in a very long time… they were my FAVORITE falls…. pink, black, and red yarn with pink plastic
pieces… custom made for me, cost like $70 2 years ago and I’d only wear them mostly on very special occasions… not
even sure if the person who made them is still around anymore… I wore 1 of them last night to cover the huge
bald spot visible from the back…gone forever now…=( *huge sigh*….) that I’m not even really trying to stop
myself… although, it’s been almost 2 hours since I started pulling so I should probably try a little bit harder now…

my next appointment is on Monday the 11th. I hope it goes well.

Tags: bald spots, no harm, alternative healing, hypnosis, hypnotherapy by Isis
No Comments »

hmm already losing track of the diet stuff… umm, lemme try and think what I’ve eaten the last few days… last night
was some elio’s frozen pizza… some cereal… a cinnamon muffin, no caffinated beverages..

day before, had a chicken sub at Quiznos and some passion fruit (non caffinated) tea… don’t remember what else…
argh. I gotta try and be better about this!

Very exciting news, though….
I went to a hypnotist yesterday! I will have to write about that a little bit later though. today’s been my first day
off in a long while and I have a ton of errands to catch up on.

Tags: alternative healing, diet, hypnotherapy by Isis
No Comments »