left eyebrow is gone again…
the right one is rapidly dissapearing too… *sigh* =(
this is really pretty bad I guess.
I’m even pulling harder on my lashes too… something I haven’t done in almost 10 years…fuckkk… I have to get this under control somehow.. I’m starting to become really disheartened and depressed about it………… =*((( looking in the mirror, without makeup… isn’t fun……
why does my brain have to register the pain as a good feeling???? so good I can’t stop???! =(
It was warm on Fri night when I went to go hang with Ruby, and I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt, to hide my head, which I was ashamed of just shaving.
the hood stuck to my head the whole time, because of the short length of my hair. It stuck and felt gross. I was so incredibly uncomfortable for the several hours I was there. we went outside for a bit afterwards and the cool breeze felt so good. I wanted to tear that hood off so badly.. but I didn’t…
comfort is one of those things that gets sacrificed a lot because of Trich……..
yeah… I ended up shaving my head a couple hours after the last post. so, I’m hanging out with my friend later anyway. oh well.
now its going to be 3-5 months before those little spots fill in… it’s such a long-lasting effect to deal with for just a few hours of pleasure…
I went to get a massage today, that included a bit of a face massage with oil. the woman said I was “brave for wearing a shaved head” but it looked great on me. I thanked her (I happen to be lucky and do have a nicely shaped skull) but then a few minutes later when she massaged my face with the oil, my eyebrows must have come off because she then said, “oh, but you pluck all of your eyebrows off… I cannot compliment you for that!”
I should probably just be more open with strangers in situations like that, then maybe they wouldn’t say dumb crap like that.
actually, I’d say the eyebrows are about 30% grown in. It’s about…12 more days or so til I see my boy/friend … I think they’ll be almost grown in by then… enough to look ok at least, even if the makeup does get smudged off.
pulling more aggressively now…
have 3 small bald spots already >< near around the back of my ears as they usually start.
I guess I gotta shave my head again this weekend. I’m pretty sure now that my only hope is regular hypnosis, but … I am in nowhere near of a financial position to afford that right now. so, looks like I’m stuck for a bit longer. I do think that it may be the answer, though.. when I can afford it, hopefully someday not too much longer from now…
I’m going to see a friend from high school tomorrow, I always feel a bit awkward around her, since she was one of the few people that knew. It’s actually prevented me from seeing her more, cuz I’m embarrassed my hair is still this way. She was my best friend for over 5 years too, so I feel bad that I dont see her anymore… and the only real reason is because of this…
I thought earlier in the week, how nice it’d be that I’ll have some hair now that I see her again for the first time in over a year.. but, now I’ve got these bald patches to be concious of… so that means I’ll have to face her directly at all times and be careful about turning my head, or bending over or something.
*sigh* =/
at least my eyebrows are starting to fill in a TEENY bit. I’m seeing the guy I like in about 2 weeks (he’s been away) so I hope they’re at least half filled in by then….so they dont get rubbed off completely if we are intimate…. I hate having to be constantly worrying that I have no eyebrows anymore while in such a close setting with someone…
but yeah.. the hair….
it feels too good to stop, and even if I do stop, it only lasts for a few minutes before I give in again… and of course biting the follicles only reinforces the cycle…
the hair on my arms is almost all grown in now, and it’s bothering me. I really have to Nair it off in the next day or two, it’s longer than it has been in awhile. ew. That stuff I end up pulling cuz it LOOKS gross, not cuz it feels good to pull from there - because it doesn’t. arm hair is purely for cosmetic reasons…. I’m sure most chicks wouldn’t let it bother them even thought it *is* a little dark, cuz most chicks aren’t totally fucking obsessed with …hair…
somehow, last year I made it long enough to get extensions put in. I remember pulling quite a bit, and there were several large bald spots by the time it was the minimum 3 inches it needed to be …
woah, actually I remember it being so bad that I THOUGHT it was going to be too late… too much damage.. and I cried a lot over it…thinking I’d ruined it..
but even though 75% of my hair was gone (quite possibly the most I’ve ever pulled, actually)… the extensions still worked. I was able to (most of the time) wrap the big puffy wool extension locks around in such a manner that it would hide the bald spots if I did it just right…
too bad they only last a few months. =/ and also, quite a bit of my little remaining hair was torn out even further when they were put in, due to the tightness necessary for them to attach and stay in…. so… even more damage…
anyhow.
I guess I’ll hang out with my friend tomorrow… and shave it off when I get home. It’s only an inch long..only 3 weeks of growth. It was Oct 22nd when I bic’ed it, and it’s Nov 13th now…
looks like I’m bald for awhile yet, still…
oh well. must keep the rest of my life moving forward.
yeah, so much for that effort, heh..
the monster’s out of it’s cage now…
that was at least 200 hairs I’d say, from various diff parts of my scalp at least.. over the last 6 hours since that previous post…
mild, but steady pulling.
already got all the little bits between my teeth from biting the ends off….
was absent-mindedly staring at one of my wigs while I did this… the pretty, black/pink one..
would be nice if it was my own hair….
I wonder if I’ll have my own hair ever again.
oh well.