not going so well.
pulling a lot the last few days. have several bald spots now and some that have gotten worse… =*(
one of my friends who’s been addicted to alcohol for most of his adult life told me about a homeopath he’s been seeing. I may try that soon and see if it will do anything for me… =(
total relapse! I’ve been going non-stop since that last entry, 3 hours ago =( just laying here in bed with my laptop. Lost track a long time ago, I’m probably up near 100 strands by now. I can’t seem to stop now, for more than a few minutes anyway… too far into the trance. My bf should be home in less than an hour, I really hope he’ll hurry up and get home soon and save me! heh… he doesn’t even know… all he knows is I have hair loss due to stress, that’s all I’ve filled him in on…
my crown is getting thin again, even with the extensions in, there are some sections that were too short… so I’ve been pulling those… now I have to spend like 20 minutes every day arranging my hair so that the extension pieces cover the bald spots.. I feel like the old bald guy trying to comb-over his balding head… =/
but still, I can’t stop… and the little pricks of sensation whenever a hair gets pulled from my scalp, that are supposed to be painful… actually feel good.. and addicting…
I’d better make sure sure to brush all the hair I’ve pulled off the sheets and whatever else it may be piled upon now…
sigh.
yesterday was pull-free, but today I’ve pulled 7 times, with 12 strands and 7 follicles…
I was fine until a few minutes ago when I started on my homework in a difficult class =( In fact, not even an hour ago I thought that I’d be PF today since I’m at my boyfriends for the day and he’ll be back soon. *sigh*
now that I’ve pulled that many times, it’s REALLY hard not to keep going….. I have to focus all of my energy on not doing it…
well, back to homework =/
well, I made it to 5 days PF…
just now though, I pulled 2 while looking in the mirror, but it’s cuz they were white and highly visible… so I am kinda only half-counting those…
but then that made me pull once more… and there were 4 in that pull =[ a couple of follicles. my scalp is like.. itching or something now, and my hand keeps going back up, the urge is fuckin.. overwhelmingly strong. gah!! I hope writing this will help me stop. I’m going to bed soon as well. hopefully I’m tired enough to just pass right out (I think so) and not be up pulling for 2 more hours ors omething…
edit/addition…:
still have my eyebrows though….. I am so thankful for those, with every day that passes….. I never have to worry about them getting wiped off my face due to rain, or taking a shower, or smudging with my hand, or being with my partner… ever again, I think! omg!
I think that writing it down in here every day has been helping me quite a bit! Last night at my computer, there were at least 8 times where I felt my hand go up and start to touch the strands, searching for the right one… but I was able to stop myself by thinking, “but if you pull them now, you won’t be able to write that you’re pull-free anymore, and the day is alllmost over!”
and it totally worked! =D
yayyyy. hehe.
oh yeah, and did I mention?! that I am sooo happy to have MY OWN eyebrows again? thank you , acrylic nails!! omg :]
that is all. I still have to post pix and stuff. I will as soon as I have time. nightz.